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There’s practicing restraint in hopes of making sure that you don’t cross a line or push too hard and then there’s being hands off that you’re coming across as a potential BFF instead of someone who they might want to tear the clothes off later.One of the mistakes that people make on dates is that they let the chemistry just It becomes a sort of “sexual-desire-as-fate” form of magical thinking; if the chemistry is just “not there”, then clearly it’s not meant to be.The classic example is the nerd developing a crush on the cheerleader without knowing anything about her; he’s built up this elaborate fantasy about who she is and what she’s “really” into without any regard for reality.It’s a function of the halo effect – we assume that people we find physically attractive are also smarter, kinder, friendlier and so-forth. Physical attraction is great – it’s incredibly important for any romantic relationship – but it’s not the in the long run than looks.Other times, it’s a matter of conflicting expectations – you think you’re on a date, while she thinks that this is a platonic get-together with a new friend.
You often see this in the PUA scene – club-girls, cage dancers and the like are held up as the ultimate status symbol, and dudes are encouraged to chase them over others… When you don’t have that baseline of mutual interest and compatibility, you aren’t going to be able to hold their interest.
It sucks, but dating at it’s core is a number’s game.
You’re going to hit a few false-positives before you find someone you click with.
One of the reasons why people pull the fade is that they don’t feel any chemistry.
The situation becomes too ambiguous and hard to read and your date is left wondering whether you’re into her or not.
Let’s do some troubleshooting for your dating life, shall we?