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Forgive me for saying this, but I have a hard time stomaching this trend.Just because you were raised in a family of women, or that you’ve slept with so many of us that you could start a national sorority comprised of your sexual conquests, doesn’t make you qualified to tell me how to increase my chances of getting married.If that’s the case, it’s worth considering that maybe the reason you’re consistently having problems of commitment in your relationships with Black men has absolutely nothing to do with the men.Instead of looking at pop culture for a neat, trendy way of addressing the Black marriage crisis, perhaps the place we need to start looking for answers is Sil Lai Abrams is EBONY.com’s Relationship Expert and the author of No More Drama: 9 Simple Steps to Transforming a Breakdown into a Breakthrough and a board member of the National Domestic Violence Hotline.But to say that the answer for Black women desperately seeking wedlock is to marry a White man is unrealistic and overly simplistic.According to a 2011 Pew Research Study, marriage rates are declining amongst women are unmarried, yet, I don’t know of any White, Asian, Hispanic or Inuit professors standing up and telling their women that the answer to the decline in marriage in their community is to marry someone outside their race.There is an alchemy present in our emotional lives that is too fluid to ever be constrained by statistical data.
*crickets* I’ve heard more than a few of my professional sisters come straight out and say some variation of this statement while declaing "forget about Black men and their non-appreciating behinds." They’re looking to become the next Mrs. I’m a Black woman who has dated White, Hispanic and Black men.
From my years of field research, I can assure you that a White man can be just as commitmentphobic, misogynistic and unreliable as a Black one.
As disappointing as this may be to the sistas who have bought into the Myth of the White Knight, .
Black women marry across class lines, but not race lines.
They marry down but not out.” Yes, the rules in the dating market have changed for Black people over the past several decades, but they’ve shifted for everyone.
Isn’t it time that we stop uplifting the White man as savior?